They Call Her Insane
by artemis-nz
Summary: Based on the final episode, Objects in Space. A look into the mind of River. River-centric.


Everything had a pattern if you only looked at it hard enough. Everything. Some people understood that, and some people didn't.

Jayne didn't understand. Maybe it was ironic that he was one of the most repetitious people she had ever come across, and yet he missed what was so obviously in front of him. Money. Killing. A job. Money. It was a pattern, a small one that made up a large part of his life. He didn't see it, though. And they called her insane.

Kaylee had patterns, too. But Kaylee already knew that. That was why she was able to do her job so well. A mechanic. Every piece of metal she held lovingly in her hands, grease-covered, hard, heavy. Patterns, all patterns. Even the ship had a pattern. Kaylee heard the voice of the ship, one big pattern holding them all up in the air. She liked Kaylee.

Mal. Malcolm Reynolds, Captain, once Sergeant. A man who should know about patterns, who must know about patterns because he was the leader, the boss. He should know. And she, who knew a lot, didn't know if Mal recognised the patterns or not. He wasn't a stupid man. He used his mind, more so than most. Maybe he only pretended not to see the patterns.

They called her insane. There were leaves falling, orange. They had a pattern, because everything had a pattern. A wide-open space, leaves, a crunch. The cargo bay. So many leaves, beautiful. She felt like dancing.

She had stepped on a branch. From a tree, pick it up, examine it. What pattern did it have? Look up, lots of branches, littering the floor, making it a riot of colour.

Its small, but not tiny. Feels fragile, light. Uncertain. What is its pattern?

"Just an object." She heard herself saying it as if from a distance. Like there were two River's - one of them holding the branch, the second one speaking from a long way off. Maybe from the tree the branch had once been on. "It doesn't mean what you think..."

Then yelling, confusion, no pattern. Simon and Kaylee stood in front of her. Her brother... distressed. Concerned, afraid. Of her? And Mal yelling too, up above.

"River, you know that's not to be touched!" Simon making his voice loud enough to be heard, Kaylee beside him: "Everybody just be real calm already-"

"-Get it away from her-"

"-Just put it down!-

Too much noise, headache. Why are they yelling, what is this pattern that she failed to recognise-

And there's a gun. In her hand, there's a gun, silver, heavy. Too solid - not like the tree branch. Dangerous. Familiar? A lot of impressions, all at once, screaming for her to pay attention. Its pointed at Simon and Kaylee.

Simon, right in front of her, confusion, takes the gun from her, no pattern. Kaylee leaves, fades away. Angry? Sad?

"Kaylee...?"

Kaylee will help, she might understand. She knows patterns. But she's gone.

"What were you thinking? Where did you get ahold of this?" Simon sounds angry. Mal takes the gun from his hands, looks it over. She wants to justify herself. She didn't mean to make people angry and sad and confused and worried.

"It was in my hand..." Her voice comes out weak, trails off. Not able to explain.

"Fully loaded, safety off. This here's a recipe for unpleasantness, does she understand that?" Mal is angry still. He's angry a lot now. And now she's angry as well as confused. Why is he speaking like she's not there?

"She understands. She doesn't comprehend."

"Well, I'm glad we've made that distinction. No touching guns, okay?" He says it loudly and she's suddenly grateful instead of angry. He's trying to make sure she knows a pattern.

"No touching", she affirms, and leaves quickly. Embarrassed she didn't see the pattern. Simon tries to stop her.

"River-"

"It's getting very very crowded!" She yells it, not sure why, doesn't look at anybody on her way out. She doesn't understand the pattern.

It keeps her awake at night, so that Simon makes her sleep. No pain, but too much sleep, she doesn't like it. You can't recognise patterns in your sleep, they hide from you there.

Everything has a pattern. Everything. She failed to see this one.

They call her insane.


End file.
